Monday, November 18, 2013

kangen.

Selamat sore teman lama. Maaf sudah berbulan bulan saya tidak menjamahmu, hanya sekilas menengok saja juga tidak.

Tidak, bukannya saya melupakan eksistensimu. Tapi, ironisnya, semakin saya sendiri semakin saya merindukanmu, dan temanmu itu si buku kuning. Tapi setelah akhirnya ada pihak ketiga yang menengahi hubungan saya dan kamu, kamu dan si buku kuning itu hanya berada di sudut meja. Tak tersentuh, tak terlihat.

Maafkan saya, kawan lama.

Maaf jika kamu merasa bahwa kamu hanya berada di sudut yang tak terlihat oleh mata, tenggelam diantara barang-barang lama yang tak tersentuh dan hilang. Bukan, bukan hilang secara harafiah. Tapi hilang dalam diam, menunggu untuk ditemukan. Tapi tidak, bukan maksud saya untuk menggantikan kamu begitu saja.

Toh pada akhirnya saya berlari lagi ke tempat awal saya memulai. Tanpa tujuan tanpa harapan. Tanpa maksud tanpa sebab.

Karena memilikimu seperti meneguk secangkir teh panas tanpa gula pada dinginnya malam hari. Pahit memang, tapi menghasilkan candu di otak. Mungkin saja bukan pahit yang saya inginkan, tapi kehangatannya dalam setiap tegukan. Di dalam teh panas ini saya seduh rindu-rindu yang tidak pernah hilang. Mencoba mendapatkan kehangatan abadi dalam dinginnya malam, melalui tetesan tetesan harapan yang mengepul di atasnya. 

Yah, mungkin saja bukannya saya yang kehabisan kata. Mungkin saya yang hilang dalam diam, hanya menunggu untuk ditemukan.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

langit sore

disini terbaring,
nada-nada indah tanpa melodi
kumpulan kata tanpa makna.

disini kutuliskan,
jiwa membelenggu mencari raga
segala teriakan dalam hampa.

disini kutorehkan,
sunyi yang hilang dalam bising
terang yang mati dalam gelap.

disini kulukiskan,
senja yang menangis dibalik horizon
gemerlap bintang yang lenyap ditelan awan.



// ini hanya manipulasi kata, sungguh.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

?

Definisi bahagia:...........?
Tolong jelaskan kepada dia apa itu bahagia.
Berikanlah dia kebahagian
Dalam bentuk zat
padat
cair
atau gas.
Infus dia dengan bahagia.
Cekoki dia dengan bahagia.
Overdosiskan dia dengan bahagia.
Biarkan dia menggenggam bahagia itu.
Biarkan dia menghirup bahagia itu.
Biarkan dia mati memeluk bahagia itu.
Karena sebenarnya
ia diselimuti oleh gelombang nestapa
yang haus akan kebahagiaan
walaupun ia sendiri belum pernah mengecapnya.

hah, masa bodoh lah.

Friday, August 16, 2013








"Pada apa aku akan berjalan
jika tempatku berpijak hilang secepat satu kedipan mata.
Pada apa aku akan pulang
jika tempatku kembali enggan menyambut."

Thursday, July 11, 2013

// help, I'm drowning //

                   Wash all my feelings away | sometimes what happened in the past stay in the past, no matter how hard you try and fight for it, it just won't come back. Either it just can't or it refuse to. Yes it hurts, but who am I to tell which is the calm water and which is the waves? | the last sentence kinda make no sense | my grammar sucks | yaudah deh.

                                                                 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

l i m i t l e s s (photo gallery)

The sky is limitless, but which way should I soar my wings?
























































(All photos are taken by me. Please do not save / use  these pictures for any reason without MY permissions. BIG thanks (: )

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Thundery night

Hello, once again.
And as I write this post, I realize now what you feel.
Or at least now, you feel what I felt before.

Yes indeed, the rain is pouring outside.
So does your heart that cries loudly inside your chest.
Yes indeed, the thunder strikes vicioulsy and scaring every living child that is still awake now.
So does your emotion that burns everytime you see me.

But, the truth is, I can't give up what I am currently having.
Because honestly, I have spent my past years giving in for you. For your happiness.
But it is now my turn to get what my heart desires, for once.
It is my turn to truly understand what is the meaning of happiness, even if the taste only gets to the tip of my tounge.

You once had your happiness in your hand, but mine was below my feet.
Like it or not, it is what it is.
Let me go, just like you did before.
Be happy for me, just like I did before.





// otw dari puncak dan macet. //

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The way I see it.

So there I was again on an usual gloomy day, sitting in my favorite corner of the cafe, ordering my usual cup of tea while staring at my laptop with an unfinish novel besides it. Three feet away from my table sat a workaholic women. Why workaholic? Well I'm just guessing by the clothes, the hair, the way she types, pile of books next to her laptop, the high-tech communication devices on her lap, bunch of papers, etc. Maybe she's a lawyer or a manager or something. Few minutes afterwards came in a guy in a suit and went to the workaholic woman's table. The woman stood up and they shared a tiny kiss. Then the guy went to the cafe counter and bought a cup coffee. And they both sat there, face to face, talking and laughing. They should be married, I supposed, judging by they way they touch each other in an non sexual way and laugh, plus I think I saw a ring on each other finger. In the other corner of the cafe, sat a kind of good looking guy with a tattoo on his left hand. He got an earphone plug in to his ear, and he hums softly through the song. I thought it was some kind of rock and roll song because he seems like the guy who listens to that kind of song. But I was mistaken. He was huming Yellow by Coldplay. It is my favorite song, that's why I recognized it. Few minutes later when I looked up to the counter, I saw a few people standing patiently while waiting for some teenage kid who couldn't make up her mind whether what drink she wanted to order. In that waiting line, there was a couple, probably some freshman college kids. They looked so happy. Well I can tell by the way they hug and hold hands, tease each other, and the way the guy's eyes sparks so bright when he hears her laughs, and the way the girl's cheeks blushes every time he kissed her forehead. They look cute by the way, and perfect. But, when they're not laughing or hugging or sharing little kisses, you somehow could see that little fake smile fading away from the girl's face. And at the same time, you could also see the boy is checking out some random chick across him. Maybe they're just an old couple. Maybe the chemistry between them is no longer exist. Maybe they just bored. I don't know. As I continue writing this post, my phone suddenly vibrates. I got a text from my mum saying that she might pick me up a little bit late than the usual time, because it's raining and she got stuck in the traffic jam, the usual Jakarta's traffic jam. Yeah. I was very bored at the current moment, so I decided to look out to the window while sipping my cup of tea. It's raining. In fact, it's pouring outside, with scary thunders and stuffs. And as I witnessed how mother earth is just crying her heart out, I just realized something, I felt lonely, and it kills me. Lonelier than the usual lonely. Tragic, huh? 


Why? I have no idea.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

// Hitam - Putih Jiwaku //

Hello peeps. These are just bunch of random pictures I took in black and white. Currently in love with the idea of black and white pictures because when you took pictures in colour, you captured their clothes. But when you took pictures in black and white, you captured their souls. Well, that's just my idea.


Terbaring


 Bersamamu Aku Bahagia





Wayang

Until Death Do Us Apart

Cintaku Kepadamu



Kaki-Kaki Manis


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

"First, you think the worst part is a broken heart.
What's gonna kill you is the second part.
And the third, is when your world splits down in the middle.
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself.
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have f***ed up a little."


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Sebuah jawabankah yang kau inginkan?

Kamu butuh hangatnya matahari,
dan maaf aku tidak bisa menciptakan langit cerah untukmu setiap hari.
Tapi aku bisa membuat langit sedikit cerah berawan untukmu.

Kamu terjatuh,
dan maaf aku tidak kuat menggendongmu karena aku sendiri lemah.
Tapi aku bisa membantumu berjalan.

Kamu membutuhkan semburan,
dan maaf aku tidak bisa memutar keran agar bisa mengalir deras.
Tapi aku bisa membuat cipratan kecil untukmu.

Mungkin aku bukan yang terbaik,
tetapi aku telah berusaha.
Mungkin aku bukan sebaik yang kau kira,
tetapi aku telah berusaha.

Berusaha untukmu,
jatuh bangun untukmu,
sakit untukmu.

Tetapi waktu ingin aku pergi.
Karena tidak selalu akan ada kata kita diantara aku dan kamu.
Dan itu sungguh menyakitkan, sayang.

Hanya kata maaf yang bisa kuberikan.





Maaf.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Tumblr understands

It's another of those heavy nights
Where I don't want to move
or sleep
or get out of the shower,
and my dearest companions
are the words forming so quick in my mind
that I can't keep up.

And every night
the showers get hotter
and longer
and one day my flesh will melt off
and you'll find me
a collapsed skeleton
waiting for you
to pull me out of the drain.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

apa ya, ya gitu deh.

"Tuhan, Dewa Zeus, Sidharta Gautama, siapapun yang ada di atas sana, saya sedang lelah karena tekanan. Lelah karena sekolah, dan mereka bilang saya lelah mencintai. Bawalah saya keatas sana sebentar saja, untuk bertemu dengan-Mu untuk berbincang dan mengeluarkan isi hati, karena hanya-Mu lah yang paling mengerti bukan?"

Tapi begitulah sekolah.
Begitulah realita.
Saya dikurung, dijadikan babu, disuruh ini itu, demi mempertaruhkan segala yang saya punya dan ingat demi beberapa lembar hitam di atas putih dan berharap tidak ada merah diatasnya.
Hampir saja saya menyerah kepada awan-awan kelabu, karena sudah tidak kuat menatap matahari.
Saya ingin pengurungan dalam jeruji besi ini cepat terbuka, dan akhirnya saya bisa bebas sebebasnya.
Bebas sambil salto kayang sikap lilin kalo perlu.


Makanya bell, semangat ya, belajar yang rajin,
gak boleh nyerah sekarang, karena semuanya masih panjang. :') 
#menyemangatidirisendiri

Thursday, February 21, 2013

"Apabila buah pikiran telah dibentur dengan sangkur
Apabila dalam komunikasi hanya boleh satu pihak yang bicara
Seandainya kekuasaan hanya menciptakan takhta dan penjara
Seandainya pilihan untuk keselamatan hanyalah menjadi burung beo atau penjahat resmi,
sudah lumrah apabila pagi ini
seorang gadis berwajah penasaran bertanya kepada saya:
'apakah Mas Willy percaya kepada kemerdekaan?'

Apakah artinya janji yang ditulis di pasir?
Apakah artinya pegangan yang hanyut di air?
Apakah artinya tata warna dan naluri rendah kekuasaan?
Apakah artinya kebudayaan plastik dan imitasi ini?
Aku mendengar deru derap langkah-langkah kaki 
kemudian aku bertanya:
Di dalam kemelut kentut zaman ini,
deru derap barisan siapakah itu?
deru derap penindasan?
ataukah deru derap pembebasan?"

Dikutip dari sebuah puisi keren berjudul 'Ketika Udara Bising' oleh Rendra (1980).


Jadi, apakah arti kemerdekaan itu?